1st draft: 5 October 2008
published in Thieves Jargon
Wake up before the blood starts running. Might run away. Wake up before the day starts dying. It’ll die anyway. Wake up before the lights go off. And through the glare of bleary eyes: a fist. Never aimed at you. You were a bystander. Sideswiped. Now you are awake and standing. Wondering what the fuck. The fist belongs to the friend. Perhaps answers won’t come and never do. More importantly, you’re not sure if you can talk. Cold, thirsty, hungry, craving a cigarette though you’ve not smoked in two months. Begin to mumble things. Singularity at first. Then muffle-screaming. Just like you to go out like a fuckin’ pussy. That’s what this Mohammad Ali ass clown shouts. Need a seat, a drink. A moment to process things. George Clooney takes charge of this situation, momentarily. Perhaps you’ve been knocked senseless.
What?
Onward. Meat of the day.
At home, your picture window’s busted. Don’t even get pissed. A sudden urge for a crime spree. Pillaging package stores. Instead, leap off the wagon for several minutes of freedom. Shot to the arm, it has healed in sobriety. And you’re too blame. Probably things are to get better—you may run out of excuses. On the radio, talk about the leading causes of death. Only in America. You notice yours isn’t listed before the Nod.
Morning appears again. Wake up fired from best job to date. Hours late. Termination via voice-mail. Know you’ll be hired back, but meantime, to hell with it. Life exists. Somewhere. Or such is the premise of your quest. California knows how to party. The liquor store hold-up scheme’s more tempting. On this day, you decide, you are going to die. Until now you never ever considered the absolute truth of death and taxes. Soon the lights recede. There will be no surprises.
Soiled clothes and tar-stained teeth are subliminal honesty. Zap out as a replacement for a solution. The girlfriend shows her face. Intentionally you leave a lengthy pubic hair on her shoulder. You lie about your reason for the errand and leave her waiting while you score smack. Wondering what a pack of gum costs, you walk into the early afternoon sun. Already desire is rekindled, you miss her embrace. There is always that. Into forever, rewinding. Step and repeat for an accurate biography.